


C is for Conjuration

by Paul A (pedanther)



Category: Sesame Street (TV)
Genre: Cookies, Gen, Literary References & Allusions, Monsterpiece Theater, POV Third Person, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedanther/pseuds/Paul%20A
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey there, Cookie Monster," says Luis. "You do know that there's no cookie on that plate, don't you? That plate is empty."</p><p>Cookie Monster stops his little song and looks up at Luis. "Me know that," he says. "Me using magic to <em>make</em> cookie."</p>
            </blockquote>





	C is for Conjuration

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shewhoguards](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewhoguards/gifts).



> I would like to thank my beta readers, [JanLevine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/JanLevine) and [Untherius](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Untherius), for moral support and pointing out interesting things that hadn't occurred to me.
> 
> Happy Yuletide!

Luis is walking down Sesame Street when he hears a strange sound.

The source of the sound is Cookie Monster. He is standing behind a table with a single large plate on it, a white china plate with a pattern of roses around the edge. Cookie Monster is looking down at the plate and saying, very slowly, almost singing it, over and over, _"Cooo-kieee. Cooo-kieee."_

"Hey there, Cookie Monster," says Luis. "You do know that there's no cookie on that plate, don't you? That plate is empty."

Cookie Monster stops his little song and looks up at Luis. "Me know that," he says. "Me using magic to _make_ cookie."

"You're trying to make a cookie appear on the plate?"

"No, no. Me trying to turn plate into cookie."

Luis blinks. "You're trying to turn the _plate_ into a cookie?" he asks, just in case he misheard.

Cookie Monster nods enthusiastically, making his eyeballs rattle. "Me get idea from _Monsterpiece Theater_ this week," he says. "Boy sing song and turn plate into kitty-cat. Me not see point of kitty-cat, but me think maybe it work for cookie, too." He glances down at the plate, which is still showing no sign of wanting to become a cookie. "Maybe you help?"

"Well, I don't know much about magic," says Luis. "I'd suggest you talk to the Amazing Mumford, only I haven't seen him around much lately."

"Mumford?"

"You remember the Amazing Mumford, don't you?" Luis waves his hand as if it holds a wand, and intones Mumford's magic word. "'A la peanut butter sandwiches!'"

"But me not want peanut butter sandwiches," Cookie Monster says. "Me want cookie."

"That's not what I—"

"Me not object to peanut butter cookie, but me want cookie, not sandwich."

Luis sighs. "I'll give it some thought. Maybe I'll come up with something."

"Me be right here," says Cookie Monster, and looks down at the plate again.

As Luis walks away, he can hear Cookie Monster behind him: _"Cooo-kieee. Cooo-kieee."_

* * *

### Monsterpiece Theater This Week:

_(We open in an old-fashioned room with book-lined walls. In the center of the room is a large armchair, with a side table bearing a small plate of chocolate chip cookies. In the armchair sits ALISTAIR COOKIE.)_

**ALISTAIR COOKIE:** Welcome. Me Alistair Cookie, for Monsterpiece Theater. This week, we bring you classic tale of boy learning he have great power: "The Chants of Christopher Ives"...

* * *

_(The scene is a different old-fashioned room. The walls of this one are lined with objects that incorporate circles: shelves carry china plates on stands and small display clocks with round faces, and a large grandfather clock with a circular face stands in one corner, visually balancing a large round pillar in the other corner. In the foreground is a table with three things laid out on it: a plate, a square silver-framed mirror, and a crystal ball.)_

_(In a large armchair sits DOCTOR P, a humanoid Muppet with a big round head on a big round body. His skin is purple, except for his big round nose, which is blue. Near the front of the room, standing behind the table, is CHRISTOPHER, a child Muppet with pink skin, curly black hair, and no nose.)_

_(CHRISTOPHER looks down at the plate.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** _(in a completely ordinary tone)_ Kitty. Kitty. Kitty.

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher, chant!

 **CHRISTOPHER:** No, sir, I'm Christopher Ives. _(to the plate)_ Kitty. Kitty. Kitty.

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher Ives, you need to chant! That means to intone the words to a short, simple melody.

 **CHRISTOPHER:** _(sings, to the tune of "Rubber Duckie")_ Kitty, kit-cat, kitty-cat!

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher Ives, that is not simple enough. Try it slower, and all on one note.

 **CHRISTOPHER:** _(chants)_ Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy.

_(The plate turns into a ginger tom cat. The cat makes a wailing noise that sounds somewhat like "Wong!")_

**DOCTOR P:** Christopher, well done!

 **CHRISTOPHER:** No, sir, I'm Christopher Ives.

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher Ives. Try it again with something else that is round.

_(Christopher looks down at the mirror.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** _(chants)_ Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy.

_(Nothing happens.)_

**DOCTOR P:** The mirror is not round. The mirror is square.

_(Christopher looks down at the crystal ball.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** This is a ball. A ball is round. _(chants)_ Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy.

_(The mirror turns into a small white cat that mews prettily.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** What else is round?

_(He looks around, completely missing all the decorative round things on the shelves, and goes over to the pillar.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** This is a cylinder. A cylinder is round.

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher, wait!

 **CHRISTOPHER:** No, sir, I'm Christopher Ives. _(chants)_ Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy. Kiii-ttyyy.

 **DOCTOR P:** Christopher Ives—!

_(The pillar turns into a stripy tom cat. It meows in a friendly way — then shrieks like a violin being tortured as the ceiling caves in.)_

_(When the dust settles, there is a layer of white dust over everything, including CHRISTOPHER. The table and DOCTOR P's armchair are both buried under lumps of plaster. The cats have all fled.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** Whoops. _(looks around)_ The cats have gone. _(looks at the pile of plaster where the armchair used to be)_ Are you gone, sir?

_(The top of the pile shakes violently, and plaster falls away to reveal DOCTOR P's big round purple head. He glares at CHRISTOPHER.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** Is there a chant for cleaning up a house?

_(DOCTOR P says not a word. His hand emerges from the pile of plaster, holding out a broom.)_

**CHRISTOPHER:** Oh.

_(He begins to sweep the floor, raising another cloud of dust.)_

* * *

_(We return to ALISTAIR COOKIE's room, where everything is also covered in a layer of white dust. The cookie plate on the side table now contains several lumps of plaster.)_

**ALISTAIR COOKIE:** That was "The Chants of Christopher Ives". Join us again next week for tale of girls learning about politeness and co-operation, "The Shall-I School". Me Alistair Cookie, for Monsterpiece Theater.

_(He picks up a lump of plaster and nibbles on it experimentally.)_

* * *

_"Cooo-kieee. Cooo-kieee."_

"Hey there, Cookie Monster."

Cookie Monster looks up, and watches closely as Luis puts something down on the table. It is a largish boxy shape covered with a brightly patterned cloth. Luis is wearing a jacket made of the same cloth.

"What this?"

"It's magic," says Luis, and whisks the cloth off.

"It a box," observes Cookie Monster.

"It's a magic box," says Luis. He folds the cloth up and hands it to Maria (who has agreed to come and watch, but drew the line at being billed as the Phenomenal Luis' beautiful assistant, though she thanked him for the compliment). "May I have a volunteer from the audience? You, sir, with the plate!"

Cookie Monster cranes his head around, trying to see who Luis is speaking to, then says, "Me?"

"Yes, Cookie Monster, you. Open up the box and set your plate inside."

Cookie Monster looks from the plate to the box and back, then opens the door on the side of the box and puts the plate in.

"Now close the box, and turn it around six times."

Cookie Monster closes the door with a click, and starts turning the box around.

"One... two... three... four... uh... _five_... uh... uh... Joey? No, that not right." Cookie Monster scratches his head. "What come after five? Oh, me know! _Six!_ "

"Very good!" says Luis. "Now watch as I knock three times on the box and say my magic word."

"One... two... three..."

"A la alfajores!"

There is a pause.

"Now what?" says Cookie Monster.

"Now," says Luis, "you open the box."

Cookie Monster opens the door of the box again, and gasps. "Cookie!"

He reaches in and gently pulls out the cookie. It is not quite as large across as the plate was, but somewhat thicker. There is a pattern of roses done in icing around the edge.

There is another pause, as Cookie Monster just stands and looks at the cookie.

"Cookie Monster...?" says Maria.

"Me using de-layed gra-ti-fi-cation," explains Cookie Monster. "It something me learn from me friend Tom. If me wait, cookie taste even better. ...okay, that long enough." He chows down on the cookie, crumbs flying in all directions. _Om nom nom nom nom._

When the cookie is all gone, Cookie Monster sighs happily. "That very nice cookie."

"Well, it was a very nice plate," says Maria.

Cookie Monster's face falls. "Oh. Oh no." He covers his eyes with one large furry hand. "Oh no. Me in so much trouble now."

"Cookie Monster? What's wrong?"

Cookie Monster peeks out at Maria between his fingers. "Me not think. That one of me Mommy's six good plates. What happen when she count one... two... three... four... five?"

"I can fix that," says Luis.

Cookie Monster lowers his hand and peers at Luis. "You can?"

"Sure I can," Luis assures him. "First, I need you to find a large cookie crumb."

"That no problem," says Cookie Monster, and starts searching around on and under the table.

When he finds a large enough fragment of the cookie, Luis leads him through placing it in the magic box and turning the box six times in the opposite direction from the way he turned it before. Then Luis knocks three times on the box and says "A la alfajores!" again.

And when Cookie Monster opens the box again, there is the plate, just as if it had never been eaten. Cookie Monster takes it out even more gently than he took out the cookie.

"It back! Oh, thank you! Thank you!" His expression shifts from joyous to speculative. "Can you turn plate into cookie again? Me be careful to save big crumb this time. Then you can turn crumb into plate, and plate into cookie..."

Luis and Maria exchange glances.

"Maybe tomorrow," says Luis. "Right now, I think you should take your Mommy's good plate home before she misses it. And next time, ask her before you borrow something of hers."

"That good idea," agrees Cookie Monster. He starts to hurry off, then turns back and says, "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," says Maria, with a small sigh, when Cookie Monster has gone. "What have you let yourself in for, Luis?"

"I can afford one extra-large choose-your-icing cookie from Hooper's Store each day," Luis says, as he opens up the magic box and starts clearing the cookie crumbs out of the hidden compartment. "It will only be a few days before Cookie Monster gets a different idea in his head."

"You hope," says Maria.

**Author's Note:**

> Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letters C and M and the number 6.
> 
> This week's episode of Monsterpiece Theater was made possible by the letters D, W and J, the number 9, and readers like you.


End file.
